Sunday morning. Rain’s not falling yet but might be in a couple of minutes.
I don’t remember being so obsessive about Iceland as much as I am being now about Australia. Time’s running out and yes, I start feeling a little bit under pressure. I try not to have expectations about it but, let’s be serious, I must have some otherwise I wouldn’t be going for fuck’s sake.
Oh God (sighing).
Is it because I’m scared? Not really.
Nervous? Maybe. Don’t know about what, though.
On the one hand I’ve got this goddamn “final work” (better!) to worry about and these two exams which seem to be the most boring ever. No. They’re not boring cos they’re actually pretty interesting and informative. But I’m so done with university-related bullshit. Fed up, really.
Oh God (sighing).
I should’ve been smarter and have taken this Corporate Finance crap last year, when the exam was just a bunch of multiple choice questions and the room was so crowded you could not avoid cheating. It was the environment itself that screamed: please DO cheat!!!!!!!! I didn’t even show up at the exam. Silly Luca, there’s no point in cursing the past.
Oh God (sighing).
On the other hand, I’ve got to start anew in an unknown city. I am so looking forward to it but I’ve been thinking about it so hard and for so much time now that I just wish I had already done it. I mean, I was ready to fly there in May and I have been so eager to move and explore and do things there that I’ve got no energy left. I don’t think I’m explaining this the right way but it’s hard, believe me.
Oh God (sighing).
The fact that everybody keeps asking me about the reasons I’m leaving has started making me sick now. I always answer: “What reasons do I have that would make me want to stay? Why not grab this opportunity?”. And I shut them up. I know I’m being selfish but hell yeah! I wanna be! I’ve got to be, I’m 22.
Oh God (sighing).
Let’s not forget the length of my stay. Absolute nonsense. They say it’s too hard and too long and I should think about my parents who won’t see me for a long time. I reply I think about my family alright and if I stayed here, they’d be more concerned somehow because they’d smell there’s something wrong. They know me. Then dear people who won’t ever read these lines (am gonna write in anyway, fuck the whole lot of you), why don’t you care about your own damn business?
I just wish I could leave next thing in the morning.
Oh God (sighing).
I should’ve told everybody the day before I leave. I’m getting hysterical. However, there are still some nice human beings who support me and are happy and excited about this life-changing journey! (which is not a journey but thinking that way makes it more adventurous, doesn’t it?).
And you know what? Those who have known for a long time say I’ve reached some sort of balance, that I’ve changed and become more stable.
Oh God (sighing).
I’m getting wise and old…
S.’s right. I should become the new gay version of Bridget Jones. It’s gonna be: LG’S BLOG. THE EDGE OF SANITY. I’m gonna make a helluva lot of money! Instead of writing this bullshit, I should go back to reading how you should pay salary to doctors and how wages can affect their motivation…
I should’ve become a farmer in New Zealand. Just me and my sheep(s). Why does it have to be “sheep” and not “sheeps”??
Oh God (sighing).
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