Thank God it's gone. And this time nothing tremendous seems to have happened.
Every year May the first brings on a spectacular mishap. It's a curse, really.
It's not as if something really bad happens, but something starts on this particular day and goes on for a while, it lingers on for a bit... and then it crashes and tears me apart.
Usually it takes me about six months to pull through, but still when I hear some overrated names, bump into someone I barely know or something irrelevant happens, those memories magically reappear and those scars seem to be stinging again.
I often wonder if there's something I could've done to avoid what happened, or at least to soothe the terrible state it threw me into.
Probably yes, in one case at least, but it was not really my fault, it was lust's, that evil creature tricked me again. But there must've been something more than simply that 'cos I wouldn't have been feeling so shitty for so long just because of a wrong fuck. I think it was more of a fake "alright-let's-come-back-together" thing and it really pissed me off.
As for last year, well, I still hurt somehow. Not because of him (I barely remember his name, I can just recall thinking he was the best kisser ever), but cos I didn't see it coming. I was so dumb and naive to think that for once things would've worked out fine. In so-called love things rarely work out fine and even when they do, it must be someone else's love story, not yours for sure, believe me.
Yes, this guy brought with him a lot of negativity and it poured it all over me, like black stardust.
Today I have no clue of where he lives, if he's doing alright, if he's in love. I don't think I even have a picture of him. For my own well-being and safety I completely detached myself from what his world represented: a nest, a shelter. I was abruptly disconnected and still today I have no clue how I managed to do that.
I often wondered whether I hated him or wanted him back so badly, whether to loathe him or wish him well. Now my feelings are a bit blurred as they're so far away, I can't even almost perceive them. I certainly owe him something very true and important, a lesson he taught me and that I hope I won't easily forget.
I was rejected. And sometimes rejection makes you think very stupid things. Like you're wothless, incapable and shit like that.
But in that case it unveiled a feature I didn't seriously believe I had. For the first time I didn't feel like loving and belonging to somebody except myself.
One year has passed since that small mishap. And I'm so not looking forward to that happening again. I just learned how to live fine with my splendid self, with my soon-to-be perfect body (yeah, right!), my quirky sexuality, and loving it!
As may have noticed the past two years this "May the first" tradition has been strictly followed and I feared this year would be no exception. uhmmm....
Instead Reykjavìk didn't bring me as much bad luck as Milan did. Well, maybe just a tiny bit but nothing compared to the previous occasions...
Yesterday the Finn Team and I went for a picnic by the pond. The girls - very professionally I admit - prepared everything, from the "tuna pie" (or whatever it's called) to the "monks" ("donuts" is overrated) to the barbecue thingy they bought at Bonus and the "nakki" (sausages). I only brought a bottle of red wine and beer... (but they know me...)
Everyone's ready to go out, when it starts drizzling little. Obviously we decide to go anyway. After a while the clouds even leave some room for the sun to come out and shine warm. Then, all of a sudden, it just starts hailing really bad, little iced stones pouring over us. We literally flee back home running. Oh Gosh!
All in all it was funny, but I think the girls are still a bit mad at me for going along and bringing such bad luck. I'm afraid they might start seriously believing I'm jinxed.
But I had warned them, it's the May the first curse!
