Do dreams ever come true?

Oh. Lord. I just woke up. I had this weirdly real dream. No no no, it was over real. Hyper real. It was like it was really happening and somehow I could make decisions and act in total awareness. I dreamt of the lazyass. Yes, I did. And it felt pretty damn good, am not ashamed to write it.
I won't go into details of what I dreamt of cos it's unnecessary, to say the least. It was not sex though. Not only. He behaved like I always wanted him to be. Meaning without mentioning his boyfriend every five seconds, without taking off after we'd done it, hugging and being kind also in public. I remember everything vividly.
I'm in haze right now. Lost for words. I feel like a total loser. It's not like when you dream of someone you know you'll never have cos they are... I don't know, superstars or... straight. It was about someone I slept with, I already know what he is like, how good or bad he is, everything. And this feels incredibly awkward. It had been a while since I last thought about him.
Btw, he's leaving Iceland today. I miss him. I never thought I'd say that but I do.

Happy B-day Gab!

Happy Birthday Gab!

We love you even though it’s hard to say

You’d sell your mother to shag a gay

With you it’s all about sex and making out

Your favourite topic is mouth-to-mouth.

You are outrageous to say the least

The gym is to you meat market and sunday feast

You kiss and tell ‘cause you don’t care

You’d do any hot guy you meet at a fair

Your goal is to be the biggest bitch in town

You are promiscuous, loud and make conservatives frown.

But despite your flaws we find you cool

Of the box you are the sharpest tool

Deep down you’re not so much of a whore

We can say this because we know you more

We believe you can be sweet and kind,

We wish you happiness, hope you don’t mind!

I've found it!

Ok, I know that I'm being a tiny bit silly here, but just when I thought I'd lost all hopes, Ifound it! Casually I read it in the list of words I'm learing

der Durchfall (no plural apparently...).

Could you believe it?

This is the sort of thing that cheers me up when I'm under a lot of pressure.

Verstopfung (!)

I just learnt this new Deutsch word I have absolutely to share with all the German speakers out there:

die Verstopfung (en).

I wonder what Hulivilikakka is in German now...

Turkey & Parmigiano

I'm so fabolous!
I had to eat turkey skewers otherwise they would've gone bad, so I came up with a new recipe myself. I just made it up and believe me, it was scrumptious.
I put the turkey chops in a pan with little water and some oil. Added some spices for roastbeef and herbs, some soy sauce (little, though), and let it cook for a while. Then, when it was almost ready, I grated over it some Parmigiano (which was also going bad) straight in the pan and I kept stirring the whole . I grated also a finger off (clumsy me...) but the bleeding didn't stop me...

Later I drove O. to Central Station where she caught the bus to the airport. I am currently enjoying my single room. V. v. cheerful.

Storms

Tonight I met somebody who I've always felt very close to. We haven't been in touch lately, meaning we've sent each other some text messages or an e-mail or two and we've met sporadically in the past two years. She lives 25 minutes from where I live. We grew up together, we went to middle school, then high school and later we moved to the same city but somewhere in the process we lost contact. Tonight she was more beautiful than I remembered. We went for a beer in a cosy place she works in and caught up on everything we've been through in the past... years actually. I think she has a chip on her shoulder, though. She's in that phase of her life where it's not easy to spot what direction she is gonna take, where all this is gonna lead. And sometimes it happens that you feel sort of lost, with way too many ideas and very few real things in your hands. This might bring you down, right?
This girlfriend of mine is not as weak as she thinks she is. I'm sure she'll find her way out of this deadlock. She's got an enormous support from a guy she's spent one third of her existence with. Think of your age, divide by three and... frown! I just hope this rock she's been holding tightly with both hands for such a long time won't just crumble. I just don't wanna think about it.

I was on my way home, on a tram, when I felt the sudden urge to write. Damn it! I wish I had a laptop with me and just write everything my mind was producing at that very moment. It was all flowing out so smoothly and nicely. Uff...

While we were sitting in the pub, it started hailing really hard. And then it rained. You could've smelled it in the air that it was going to. The sky was very dark and it thundered. I love storms, especially electric ones, like I like to call them. Lightening everywhere, fresh air, rain. It just feels so pure, purifying and liberating. The storm has made the air a little bit chilly. Hope I can get some better sleep tonight.

The latest

Good news. Baby laptop is back on track! Yes, it works again!!! It's waterproof! The hairdrier and the fan did the trick. V. relieved.

I started studying like really seriously. German is fun. I remember why I wanted to become a translator.
When I study languages usually I need to listen to some music, like putting it on in the background. It also works when I make schemes and notes out of books. Coldplay helped today. Jamie Cullum, too (thanks Alina! - I don't know what he looks like, but he must soooo sexy and charming...).
Btw, now I finnaly realized who the Canadian guy J. looks like: Chris Martin. Younger, shier and cuter, though.
Here in Milan the weather is starting to become a bit.. suffocating. You might ask if it's hot? Not only, it's damp, too. You need to take a shower every couple of hours. And it's not even June for fuck's sake. Kaisa wrote me the other day (!!! :) ) saying it's been rather snowy in Iceland. I'd better stop complaining, I guess.

Yesterday I went to Bologna to visit Laura. She'd just sat an exam (30 cum laude, as usual...). I don't know how she can mentally make it. It's not the studying thing I'm talking about, it's the I'm-never-giving-up part that I admire. The 12-hour-a-day studying is tough, too, I guess. God, today I've been sitting here at this very desk for 8 hours and I already feel like throwing up. It feels good though to see what you've been producing at the end of the day.
Since I had my parents' car (I drove to Milan so that I can start moving some of my stuff back home next week or so), we went to San Marino. Obviously I had never been there before - weird, uh? -. The sunlight was really strong. The village lies atop a cliff, from which there are some spectacular views all the way to the sea. There are some old ruins of the castle and forts from the Middle Age. It is very nice. There was also a wedding, Italian guy, American girl - such a stupid chick you can't even imagine -. It was... tacky. Whatever, may they have the happiest life together. We made bubbles and made a complete shooting session to a ladybug. And we saw two trees that loved each other v. much.
Spending time with Laura is always fun. It's not that we always need to do special things or something. As long as we're together we both feel at ease and totally ourselves. I know I can talk about anything to her. She knows me well. Her opinion is of high value to me. Just before leaving I asked her what she thought of me migrating to Australia. She didn't say anything. She's wise. I got a text message hours later where she wrote... well, I don't think that's none of your business.
I'm gonna miss her.

I'd forgotten how fun it is to drive. You can cover the distance from Milan to Bologna in about two hours. I sang all the way there and back. Like really shouting and yelling. I believe te guys from Iceland know what I'm talking about. Well, those who saw me behind the wheel on the highway certainly thought I was a lunatic or something. Who cares...
While driving back to Milan the sun set down in front of me. Despite the fact that I was risking my life - I couldn't see anything since the sun made me blind - it was really great. It was like someone was pouring gold in the sky. Simply amazing. And you could also see the trail of glittering carlights in the other direction, far away for miles. Spectacular.

I parked the car at 9 and had a couple of hours of good sleep. Then I went dancing with O. and G. It was ok, nothing special, we had higher expectations actually. I met G.L., a Swiss guy I hadn't seen in months (obviously). He's v. charming. Never got to sleep with him, though. Dammit! lol...

The days back home were ok. It's always good to be home. E. is visibly pregnant. I'm wondering how stunning the baby will look like with such gorgeous parents.
I've got to reply to some mails from the guys. I'm gonna do it in the breaks from studying. O. and I started the Twin Peaks marathon today. Quirky and creepy.

Sometimes at night I sit up in my bed. O. is sleeping next to me. She never budges. I look out of the window. The streets are silent and nobody's around. I can hear mosquitos buzzing outside. I ask myself what I should expect from that faraway place. Should I really expect something? It's always bad to have expectations. Elisa sings that sometimes the exprectation is sweeter than the love itself. It's not love I'm talking about here, but it's something equally important. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't have reasons to do it. I just feel like it. It's not that the thought of staying here another while really gives me nausea. It's not that I'm going there to find a cool surfer to fall for - tall, well-built and handsome -, a job - actually yes... - and a place to call my home. I think I just wanna see new places and yes, maybe meeting new people. I've always been aware of the enormous influence that the beauty of the place I live in has on my mood, my behaviour, my mind and ultimately on my life. Sydney must be very nice indeed.
I also like challanges, but I don't think that migrating really is a challenge to me. Plenty of people have done it so what's the big deal? I didn't have as many problems as I thought I would this spring.
Maybe yes, I wanna make it on my own. That might be what is really pushing away. I think that if I stayed here I'd always have my folks' support. And I so don't need that. I don't say I wanna get into trouble but I definately fancy a new beginning.

Home

Here is what I wrote back home, where I didn't have internet connection.

24.05.2006

It’s good to be back home. It just feels ok. I arrived here on Monday and I’m leaving on Friday. I think that’s enough. I’m gonna spend almost two months here this summer so I’ll have plenty of time to say hi/goodbye to everybody I haven’t seen in a while.

I’ve doing a lot of things. I went to the travel agency. I got my flight ticket to Sydney yesterday. I’m very excited. It’s an open return ticket, which is ok. I also bought me a new mobile. V. smart and hip but I think it was such a waste of money…

I met granny and my aunts and Simona’s kids. It was really nice. Zeno finally learnt to walk. He still is a bit unsure, but he’s gonna get better soon.

I met some friends I hadn’t seen in months. I was very happy. I had plenty of time to stop and think. I’m still kinda messed up but I’ll soon write everything down in an articulated and organized way, I promise.

Wonder how the guys are doing there in Iceland. And Finland. And France. And all over the world actually.

Something is bothering me but I can’t figure out what. Probably it’s just the exams which are coming up. I haven’t even started doing anything really. I have a lot of time for the others in late June and July but Deutsch is on the 5^th for fuck’s sake. I better get started.

Gone

This time really happened. It's all gone. I spilled a whole bowl of water on my laptop while it was switched on. I fear it's not gonna work again. It's not like I poured over it some tea (like I did in Iceland...). It was all covered in water. The screen went white for a sec and then it switched off. My fan and hairdrier are now trying to make the miracle. Again.
V. sad.