Recharging

I sleep a lot. It feels like I have been unloading much of the stress that I'd accrued since I got back from Iceland by sleeping. It's something very physical. I feel my whole body aching sometimes. Especially in the evening my legs are killing me. I didn’t realize it at first, but now, after these three weeks here, I have been thinking about how deeply my life has changed once again. The summery months did knock me out completely. I didn’t know they would have such an enduring negative effect on me. I was a wreck. I still partly am. I’m gonna pull through alright, it’s just gonna take time.

I wrote a letter to a friend last night and talked about this, that’s how I realize it. Usually when I write or talk directly to someone, things flow out much more naturally. Probably this is also one of the reasons why I started writing this blog and why I feel the urge to jot down my thoughts and send letters.

I called a friend of mine the first week I was here. I was not jetlagged. Not anymore. We talked for just a couple of minutes. I wanted to assure her that I was doing ok. Later she wrote me I sounded shaky and a bit jumpy. I probably was. I think I am still now. I am not myself totally. Not 100%. It’s like I’m slowly recharging my physical and psychological batteries. I did not realize how down I was. I had no idea. The recovery period is making me understand what I went through.

This doesn’t mean, on the other hand, that I don’t like it here. I love it. I just can’t appreciate it all because I feel a bit numb still. And it sucks but there isn’t much that I can do about it but wait, make the most of my time here. I have by my side someone that is extraordinary and is making it easy for me to settle down and adjust to all the changes. As I wrote to M., I’m no hurry to do do do. I wanna take it easy, lay back and chill. Which is perfectly in line with the Australian attitude and way of thinking.

Speaking of which, today we had a nice picnic by the sea. The place we went to is called McKell Park, that is down Darling Point Rd. I got to know some new people. Queer mostly. All queer actually. I even had a dip in the harbor, too. Just lovely really. We had very relaxing afternoon, laid-back and care free. What more can I ask for?

(Another long weekend maybe??)

Bits

Yesterday I spoke to my dad.
To all of you this won't mean much. To me it is quite an extraordinary event. Not only because I hadn't talked to him since I left Italy but because we actually talked about our business. It was a nice 5-minute conversation which surprised me and convinced me even more that I am right when I say that the farther apart we are, the better our relationship gets. And this is true about my other parent as well.

Right now I'm home. I woke up at 6. I felt sick and threw up for no reason. Might it be a previously unknown kind of male pregnancy? It might. Anyway, I still feel queazy and I am contemplating whether to go to the beach or not. I needed a break. I needed to stay alone for a while. That's why I'd love to go. Bronte is not as packed as Bondi. It is smaller and beautiful. I heard that Baz Luhrmann owns a house down there. It's lovely. I also have a stye. The eyedrops ain't been helping though.

I have received some very nice emails from some guys from Iceland. I really wanna sit down (where? I don't even have a chair) and write to them (where? I don't have a table either!). I'm gonna do it anyway. Elsewhere. I just feel so nauseous.
Receiving mail really helps me. I like it a lot. It gives me something to reflect upon.
And yesterday I skyped A. It was so nice talking to her. I miss Iceland. I really do.

So far the weekend has been lovely. On Friday we went to Luna Park which is on Milson's Point, on the other side of the bay, from where the view of the city and the bridge is stunning. V. romantic night, despite sickness of one of us. Yesterday was shopping spree. Which may I remind the reader is v. different from spending spree.

Time's up. Fuck it, I'm going to the beach. Despite nausea, sties and being broke (I didn't get paid on Friday and I forgot to ask).