Excuses

Why no one will help me
I am too dumb I am too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely
They'll hate me
And there is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
And god wants me to work
No resting no lazy

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked in my own cell

I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked inside my cell

These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me small
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me safe inside my shell

Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my side
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights

No one can have it all see
I have to they want me to
And I can't let them down
I'll never be happy

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me small
They've kept me locked inside my cell

These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me small
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked inside my cell

Finito. For real.

I graduated. 99! Enjoy, cos frankly I don’t give a fuck.
(Language!)
I am gonna have the DVD of the proclamation delivered at home. I am sure you will be able to see my ghost haunting the ceremony and showing off his ass...
Cheers!

Sorry

There are times in my life when my system seems not to be working like it should. I completely shut down. I first experienced such a breakdown after few weeks I had arrived in Iceland back in January. Everybody had left to go to the Blue Lagoon and I was the only one who stayed at home. I cried for a whole weekend. Barely washed. Didn't eat. I just felt miserable. I locked myself in my room and didn't want to see anybody. I know, I act a bit silly sometimes. Why did I do that? I guess I just needed to adjust to the whole new situation. And I was rather frustrated because I didn't know what to do with my life. I kept repeating I had chosen the wrong uni and the direction my life was taking didn't make any sense. It was like I was seeing myself going astray. After those few days, I was ok. Until the end.
I left Italy exactly one month ago. While I was on the airplane I thought for a while about the fact the I had just come out of a very tough time. I gave it a thought and that's it. The past couple of weeks made me realize that I'm still bearing the side effects of pushing myself through all that.
However, so far I haven't really felt totally low, like during those few hideous moments. I experienced an inkling of such depression only.
I've gotten the time to think a lot about the past and about the present.
Especially about the present.
In my random thoughts three people come up quite often. I feel guilty towards some people I would like to apoligize with. I am sorry.
Sorry J for making things harder than what they could be, I know you are trying your best and I truly appreciate it even if I don't show it off. Sorry for being such a prick.
Sorry O. for beating up on you even when there was no need to be hard. Sometimes I just wanted to push you to the edge to see how far you could go. It was not the healthiest and most helpful method.
Sorry L. for leaving Italy. You mean the world to me and I always carry you with me. You're even on my desktop at work, figurati!

See? I already feel a little better.